The Top Eight Things On The Internet We Dont Care About

We hear you world. Posts and ‘social engagement’ happen in the form of lists and phrases like ‘you’ll never guess what happens next’. This is how you make people care, like, CLICK.

Well we’ve had enough. We’re sick of our attention being abused and manipulated for profit. And most of all, we ‘re sick of being made to care about everyone’s causeless content that distracts us from the important things in life.

Here’s out top ten edit on what we just don’t give a damn about. ‘Number 3 is a clincher!!’

8) Kim Kardashian

She’s rich and hot and married to a rapper but we’re just not getting it. Firstly, when was the last time anyone heard her speak? And second, Kim and Kanye just seem like the B grade version of Beyonce and Jay Z.

Side note: Why do all Lebanese girls think they look like her?

7) Your model Facebook page

You are a model when a brand pays you money to represent them. Promotional staff activities do not count and ‘photo shoots’ with your awkward friend that’s kind of in love with you DEFINATLEY don’t’. Stop asking me to like your ‘public figure’ page. I have enough cat memes also vying for my attention.

6) Were you are DJing this weekend

 We’ve never heard of that club and you’re on at 7pm and I don’t want $5 wet pussy shots. At 7pm, I plan to be drinking wine at a real venue with my real friends, not watching you DJ, kind sir who I don’t remember friend request approving.

5) Make money from home ads

 These aren’t actually real.

4) Horrible shark attack stories

Who is sending in photos of their loved ones moments before their death? And who is perpetuating grief as a form of entertainment? Our deepest condolences for shark attack victims and their families. We wont share your grief for engagement with our website about travel insurance.

3) New ways to get fit/ skinny

Teas, smoothies, ten day ‘body transformations’…there are two things that make you look like an underwear model in this world and they are diet and exercise. You know this. Don’t click on the article, it is bordered with six banner adds for Mercedes.

 2) The naked pictures of Jennifer Laurence and co

First of all Jennifer Laurance (and related) were  banging hot before the naked photos, so stop talking about it incessantly. This isn’t new. Second they’re also human beings and if you’re trolling the internet for these photos you’re no better than a twelve year old boy with a peep hole into a woman’s change room.

 1) The ASL ice bucket challenge

 *Cue roar of outrage* We’re not throwing fake facts at you about its success rate, we’re just disturbed by the concept. Call us old fashioned but what happened to selfless charity that engaged people without a novel, narcistic entertainment factor?

 Do yourself a favor today, click on what entertains you, not what monetizes you.

xxMR

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